personal blog

    I know you were only trying to help. I know that you wanted to know what was going on in my head. But how Can I describe something that consumes my entire existence. How can I voice the words to tell you that I feel startled. It’s not to say that I do not feels safe here. That would be a lie and a dishonesty on my part. You have been a bog part of my sanity and journey to seek stability. But from time to time. The walls of safety around you and I are brought down and the darkness seeps through. Sometimes when I feel it coming, pounding demanding, I plot my escape. But on days like today, It catches me unawares and we will battle it to the bitter end. My relationship with anxiety began years ago. You see our dynamic is complicated.   Unlike a healthy relationship with boundaries, this one makes a point every morning when you wake up. It reminds you that you are about to step out of your house and you probably should not. It reminds you that you do not have the appr...

  I can feel it happening. I can hear my mind making a mockery of my zeal to survive. The laughter in my ears as I look into the mirror and I know another spiral is on its way. I felt it in my bones as I tried to wake up in the morning. Everything seemed to be dragging again. It feels like watching my body exist on its own while I am just a Spector It is a bitter taste in my mouth, a taste all too familiar. A taste I should have made peace with a long time ago. But who makes peace with despair?   It is like having a heavy clock always hanging around my shoulder. It seeks to suffocate me until I can barely breath. It’s a feeling of hopelessness that seeps into my bones, consuming every part of my being until I feel like I am drowning in a sea of darkness. It’s a constant ache in my chest, a gnawing emptiness that can't be filled no matter how hard I try. It's like being lost in a labyrinth with no end in sight, every turn leading to another dead end. I am lost in a never-...

  Dear reader, let it be known that I do not intend to be polite in this article. I am a woman and I am angry.  Being a woman is neither here nor there in this case. The first thing that should cross your mind when you hear another suffer is: who could do that to another human being? Someone does not have to be related to you by blood to deserve kindness or consideration. My heart breaks for the women who have gone through sexual abuse in the hands of their leaders. The recent expose on  tea farming done by BBC left me in tears. I am a woman exiting college, the fear of what lurks in the shadows makes me afraid of the dark. Jermiah  Kosgei,John Chebochok , Samuel Yebei, John Ascara , I hope you get to experience hell even as you live . Its only four names that came to light. Each of you has been a bystander and a perpetrator of sexual violence and crimes against women for thirty years. You do not deserve to be leader, you do not have any business min...

I understand you; I feel you;I hear   Life   leaves a wound in the heart no one can heal, pain of a caged womanhood leaves a memory no one can steal. Mama, I finally see this, I understand now. Now that I am a fully blossomed woman. I now understand that life and how you lived it as a woman was so ingrained in your every memory, so carved into the fabric of who you were. It wasn't easy , thanks to the generational gap and paradigm shift in mindset, but mama,    I tried and tried, until I saw what you must have seen. I now acknowledge the many pebbles that hindered your movement. Mama, now that I understand you. I am learning to forgive you.   I am learning to let go of the pain and the hurt. I am learning to scrap away the layers of betrayal that are mashed around my chest. Mama, I am learning   that I judged you so harshly.    I know you only passed on to me what your mother did to you. How could I have judged you so harshly when you only gav...

  The place of women in politics We have our publication meetings on Wednesday. Mostly, we catch up about how the week has been and at other times we crack inside jokes. Life seems bearable after these meetings. However, there are times that we actually get done with ideas and challenge one another on the happenings of the day-to-day. We come up with topics and ideas for publications and challenge each other on how to do better in shaping our talents and skills. One such conversation turned out to be this article. “Would you support your wife if she had political ambitions?’ The answer was downright flat “I am a journalist and that is already a conflict of interest” I have not read the ethics code of conduct for journalists in its fine print. I would confidently say that I do not have enough knowledge to argue in the line of ethics. “But a woman is better of in politics if she is married “ That threw me off balance even more. Marriage and politics are two separate ins...

 All I wanted was someone to be interested in my day. I wanted to tell them what an amazing week it has been and how much I am happy. I wanted to tell them just how badly today began and how it ended. I just wanted to be heard To be seen  To be felt. I just wanted You. But your heard was elsewhere It still is  And you know the silent rule. That silence too is an answer. Maria ❤️