personal blog

 One day I hope to bring you up here. Maybe have a taste of how I see the world.  My face lit up when I saw that text notification and I already picture in my mind what that would be like. It would be nice to see him in his basic element. He is calm, relaxed collected  and his aura is just comforting. His gaze is piercing and his brown eyes dart around from time to time like his head is somewhere else or he is figuring out the next big joke. I know two voices that travel down my spine. One is my dad’s and well, guess the second. I think about specifics more than a normal person should. One could say that fluttery feeling ends in highs school. But there are people you get to know and there are people you feel like you have known forever.If you have been reading my articles, dear reader then you know I like to go an extra mile. I always feel  like   a stalker. We already ruled that out and I promised him that is not stalking but following him at a non-creepy ...

  Hormones are a bitch! I want to believe that every woman has said that aloud or in their heads. The spirals we go through at the beginning of our menstrual cycle is insane.   The highs are really high and the lows are at the bottom of the barrel. I always wonder how our mothers and grandmothers do it. I am not entirely certain that the changes in time have made the experiences any different. Dear readers, if there is anyone out there who has practical advice on how to get through the days those women feel like strangers in their own bodies, it would be much appreciated. It can come from fellow women or a man. I have given men the liberty to answer. However, not so fast. Two things I abhor, three would irk me to the core. one is being told extreme menstrual pain is natural, second is bad coitus and third, men who give an uneducated opinion a bout a woman body.   Forgive me if I come out as abrasive, but unless you read on women issues and their bodies, you have no say ...

  I want them to write stories, conjure plays and scripts about a young girl that loved without fear. Stories that about a girl that gave herself away fearlessly like she knew no hurt. Her life knew no pain and compassion that regarded no boundary. A love that was selfless without limits, the kind that can win an Oscar. I do not refer to those with cheesy lines and speeches of forever. I want to live a life that recognizes the beauty of the moment. Add those tiny moments and maybe total them up to forever. I do not want to live in the destination or in the belief that with time, with more money or more children I will be happier. I want to savor the rising of the sun to its setting and awe at the magnificence of nature. I will be happy with the people I hold dear. A love that has no respect for history. The kind that makes me discredit everything that went wrong in the past. The kind that makes me look beyond the divorce statistics and broken families. There is more beyond the ch...

 To love you at a distance has been torture.  I have always desired to be inches away,  maybe closer, I know in my heart that distance goes beyond the physical inhibitions in my heart.  While the distance is scaringly huge,  please let me know you hear me, may the spaces and gaps in our hearts be small may I cherish and bath in your memories and ours alike, of the fondness we share, may thoughts of you sooth my mind as i drift away today, its difficult loving you and the miles in between, may faith and our love keep us strong till we meet again. love, Chamanet, my. Jan mun, mi zahir. 

  We have all heard of the imposter syndrome, right? Maybe you have heard it. Or as you read this article, you wonder how many times you have second guessed yourself and your abilities. That innate desire to seek outside validation just to be confident in your abilities. Maybe you grew up knowing you have immense potential and all you have to do is tap into it. What then do you do about that silent fren-enemy that is always telling to slow down? That you are way ahead of your time. it happens more often than not when are a woman. I bet the voice is louder on some days and with age. I haven’t written in a long time. That in itself is an understatement. I have not written in forever. Everything seems pitch black. I have just enough inspiration for the ideas. It never gets as far as the writing. There is always something pending. There are needs to take care of and I need money like every other person. I have not had courage in a long time to put down my phone and get a pen and my n...

  I miss the moments we had so much. Today I was able to admit something to myself. Five years later, there is a fondness for him in my heart that even time has not eroded. I always feel like I leave and keep wanting to come back for more. They say what you live for you are willing to die for. What if I say that my feelings for him will be the death of me? That is not to say I have not had affection in the wake of his departure from my life. I have met men and boys alike. Some that have worshipped the very ground on which I tread. Some were just curious about their sexuality and I was on a rant to discover myself.in that we were a perfect fit. We would rendezvous and no questions would be asked. especially when one was not prepared to accept the answer. We learnt to accept the moments as they came and surrendered to each other in abandoned want. At the peak of our passion, we all called it what it was, a fleeting moment of passion, non-similar to the previous. But I still searche...