personal blog

    I know you were only trying to help. I know that you wanted to know what was going on in my head. But how Can I describe something that consumes my entire existence. How can I voice the words to tell you that I feel startled. It’s not to say that I do not feels safe here. That would be a lie and a dishonesty on my part. You have been a bog part of my sanity and journey to seek stability. But from time to time. The walls of safety around you and I are brought down and the darkness seeps through. Sometimes when I feel it coming, pounding demanding, I plot my escape. But on days like today, It catches me unawares and we will battle it to the bitter end. My relationship with anxiety began years ago. You see our dynamic is complicated.   Unlike a healthy relationship with boundaries, this one makes a point every morning when you wake up. It reminds you that you are about to step out of your house and you probably should not. It reminds you that you do not have the appr...

  I can feel it happening. I can hear my mind making a mockery of my zeal to survive. The laughter in my ears as I look into the mirror and I know another spiral is on its way. I felt it in my bones as I tried to wake up in the morning. Everything seemed to be dragging again. It feels like watching my body exist on its own while I am just a Spector It is a bitter taste in my mouth, a taste all too familiar. A taste I should have made peace with a long time ago. But who makes peace with despair?   It is like having a heavy clock always hanging around my shoulder. It seeks to suffocate me until I can barely breath. It’s a feeling of hopelessness that seeps into my bones, consuming every part of my being until I feel like I am drowning in a sea of darkness. It’s a constant ache in my chest, a gnawing emptiness that can't be filled no matter how hard I try. It's like being lost in a labyrinth with no end in sight, every turn leading to another dead end. I am lost in a never-...