personal blog

The body of a woman is complex in all dynamics and unique .No one woman has the same experience as the other ,some women have " easy menses". Where all the four days (plus/minus) are as the other day of the month besides the extra weight of tampon or pad they carry around. This women are surrounded by a mystical energy that makes them bold and beautiful. They are happy ,daring and go for what they want . Occasionally they might relapse to a state of callousness but the bounce back.  However, it goes without saying that not everyone has it all rossy and daisies. For some,the process is excruciatingly painful. some have  complications from the simple lack of appetite to the extreme vomiting each meal that goes down their throat. Let me not get started on the tossing and turning in bed writhing in pain and  curling oneself like a clothe being wrung in pursuit of a pinch of comfort. At  that moment, even  breathing is a burden.Because anytime you take a deep breathe...

 Five years. Where do you want to be?. I was asked that five years ago . I can't answer the question to plan for the next five years. How does one move from bright and eyes full of light. To only wish to live for the night? To live for the dark. For in the darkness only can you reveal yourself . But no, Your camouflage. We can not see the difference then  But,listen to me. You that has my sur, You that has my hair You that has my eyes Yes you. I speak to you  When you put yourself to sleep with sombre music, I hear you. When you light butt after but, I inhale with you. When you breath heavily trying to find the words to say what is in your mind, I feel you. When you speak in parables only she understood, I hear you. I do. I  do not know what happened downstream . I know you swam against the current regardless  I know you're a ticking time bomb. But I hope that all in all, She hears you too. She feels what you feel and is journeying to find you. You who gave her ...

I have thought about it for a while now. Idealised it. I have dreamt about the execution of the plan. I have seen the aftermath. To say the least,I've had it all planned out to the 't'. I do not know when I crossed the line between wanting to live and wanting to give up. somewhere in-between growing up and growing old,I lost my way .I miss the young and vibrant girl I was. I miss the energy, the optimism,the zeal to go out and conquer  the world. I miss that girl. You know ,as a teenager I loved to tell myself that I hope the  girl I was ,is proud of the woman I became . That was a lot to weigh on a twelve year old. That was me then . Today,I'm sitting in therapy .It is my last session with the preacher. I have been taught to do an introspective soul searching. To find that spark in me that brought me life. To go back to a point in time  when I felt so alive. I think of my friends, my family, boyfriends of the past and present . I think about how guilty some will feel O...