What if

 "Has anyone told you you're beautiful this morning?"

Boy you know I live alone, stop trying so hard to wake up with me 

Better still, "

Has anyone ever told you you're very beautiful? "

Sir,I'm twenty one!You bet they have. Long before I was a teenager. Way before I knew how to shake my derrière. Way before I knew that a little gel on my baby hair,a little blush and eyeliner goes a long way .You're not doing any ground breaking by affirming my physical features ,I have  a mirror for that.

I remember  when his hands slipped inappropriately under my bra once. Maybe we bumped into each other .Twice was a coincidence and third was a pattern. His hands grope on  my thighs under the dining table.I cringed and held my  fork tighter trying to dig into my chicken .It is the look of disapproval on my fathers when he looked beneath. I'm not sure what I read ,blame on me or reproach for him .I'll never know. Such subjects have always been a taboo. Speaking about the problem is a bad as it's occurrence.

I hate to admit it. But I have always been a damsel in distress. I have always been that little girl at the topmost tower in the castle desperately wishing for her prince to appear and rescue her. She needed saving from her father and all males of his lineage. Ironic that it's a man I expect to save me. I expect a man of valour and anxiety chivalry. I have the perfect picture of him in my head. I'm working hard to be a doctor ,but I have my future all planned out as his trophy. I'll crave his approval and worship at his feet and wait on him to compliment me.

I realize how pathetic  this sounds even in my head. But it is the truth I do not want to admit. Still I want to ask someone to affirm my expectations. Looking around for the ladies I grew up with there is not much to write home about. The sadness in their eyes when they have to leave the market to go back home to their husbands, to their princes.

What happens when I can't find happiness in this institution so glorified? How then do I find happiness in my growth? What is happiness in that age and time ?

Comments

  1. Ajuma21 May 2021 at 10:55

    Happiness is not something hidden for us to find. It is in the little things we do everyday and wherever you go I hope you it finds you💥 and thank you for such an amazing piece babe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. marianjay23 May 2021 at 02:29

      Thank you Empress .You appreciate thoughts ,even the deepest.

      Delete
  2. BUNGEI B BUNGEI4 June 2021 at 03:59

    Awesome

    ReplyDelete
  3. Marianjay7704 June 2021 at 10:43

    Nice article bff😅

    ReplyDelete

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