TODAY ,I FUMBLED

 One day I hope to bring you up here. Maybe have a taste of how I see the world.  My face lit up when I saw that text notification and I already picture in my mind what that would be like. It would be nice to see him in his basic element. He is calm, relaxed collected  and his aura is just comforting. His gaze is piercing and his brown eyes dart around from time to time like his head is somewhere else or he is figuring out the next big joke. I know two voices that travel down my spine. One is my dad’s and well, guess the second. I think about specifics more than a normal person should. One could say that fluttery feeling ends in highs school. But there are people you get to know and there are people you feel like you have known forever.If you have been reading my articles, dear reader then you know I like to go an extra mile. I always feel  like   a stalker. We already ruled that out and I promised him that is not stalking but following him at a non-creepy distance. He wears this blue cap that I keep seeing everywhere. I begin to imagine that everyone approaching me with a blue cap is him. There are times I would hope it is him. There is this café down the road I know he takes his morning tea. He knows I know it and called it our rendezvous place. When I wake up early sometimes on a slow day, I turn my head hoping I will see him there. There are days I do not say hello. I do not want to be too much. So, I just watch him with a smile and keep walking to wherever. I have a vivid memory of the first voice message. I listened to it over and over because I did not believe it was possible for one to have that kind of voice.  It felt good. It is a trait to take home that his conversations are pretty enriching. He takes the time to engage and actually talk. I move places a lot and I never stay at one place for months at a time.  For this reason, most of my friendships have been online. I appreciate the five minutes of a conversation with an actual person. It is always a bustling city life. No one ever has time for tea or coffee unless it’s a business meetup. It has been the most insane part of transitioning from a simple village girl to a socially conscious human. Let me take you back before I lose track and get lost in his allure.He is amazing company and has no problem with my always present plus one. I love the fact that its not a problem so I do not have to sweat it.  A part of me is telling me to keep writing about each and every tiny tiny detail my mind can remember. I want to paint a clear and most vivid picture of every emotion evoked. The happy, the desires and the wants I have to deny myself. I keep telling myself that if I keep typing them, they will lose their power and significance and I can look at him as a friend and not someone I conjure scenes of all kinds of weird when I am alone. How do I admit that I get a rush and adrenaline thump from almost no contact? This was not part of our friendship contract. I do want to breach or introduce new terms. I am hoping to have snapped out of` it by` the time I finish writing this piece and come to think of it, it’s a clumsy way to end the month with my feelings and desires being all over. Time to collect this handsome randomness, put it in a bottle and banish these thoughts.  As I cap my pen and organize my desk I wonder if I should ever let him know that I relish in the pleasure of his company and would very much like to hang out in all his sacred spots.What do you think ,dear reader?